The Breakup Playlist and The Breakup

Watched the two films recently for the lack of something to do on a weekend.

Just a week apart, I tried to stick around till the end of each movie just to see if I could get something real out of it.

Both of them did not disappoint. The playlist movie talked about reconciliation after a breakup even though one of the characters uttered something about being killed emotionally. The Aniston-Vaughn movie tried to deal with their breakup the childish ways at first but eventually mustered maturity and separated to find each of themselves.

I wish I could be in any of the two films. That I could incline for a reconciliation and move forward despite "being killed" by the breakup. Or that I could just pack up my things and fly to London to get a breathe of fresh air and move on peacefully.

So help me God.

Trying to find myself

In the midst of this breakup shit that we have been going through for the past two months now, I often ask myself if this was a good decision.

Kept running it over and over in my head, asking what I should do.

Do we just stay like this? Do we need to stop texting, stop talking?

Do we need to get more space in between? Cut all of the communication?

I could be going crazy and for the most part it was because of the frustration that I have been feeling.

It would be totally unfair to say that I do not see the positive changes that you have been doing, but the crazy side of me keeps telling my head that those things aren't the things I want to see from you.

I know, totally unfair, but how do I even convince myself that you are still the right one for me, when all that I see are the differences however small they maybe - the differences that makes me really go crazy.

And now, two months after, I still do not know how to deal with this shit.

But from what I have known, it is best that I stay away from you so that I stop hurting you. That is the last thing I wanna do - to hurt you.

You have been the most supportive and the most kind - but because I am really cuckoo, I do not see that and chose to see some of the small things in between.

I'm sure in the future I will face tough consequences from this decision to go away - but that is the only thing I can think of so I won't hurt you anymore.

I'm really sorry - but maybe it is also a way of telling us that we both need to grow some more apart.