An opportunity

It was October when i first heard the news that the project is thinking of sending me to the client site for temporary assignment.
Quite a big opportunity if you ask me.
They usually send developers to gather requirements or get transition for the customizations.
But ladyluck smiled on me and here I am counting the remaining days before my first flight to the US - 5 days.
Not sure yet what's going to happen in the coming four months, but it will probably be the most memorable four months of this decade for me.
Wouldn't want to think that it is just luck that delivered me this great opportunity...hardwork had something to do with this.
Yes, I have worked hard in this project more than I have worked with any other project over the last 6 years. I've spent time away from my family, sleepless nights and received client calls even at 3am.
I've always believed that if you work very hard you will get better compensation. And that if you put your heart into what you are doing, then whatever you are doing will love you back.
But more than anything else, these golden opportunities we get are great equilibriums for all of the sacrifices and failed attempts we have had in the past.
At the right time, when we are the right person for the job, and we have the right attitude...then the opportunity will come knocking at your door.

Comings and Goings.

Today, someone special to me leaves the country.
While this has been planned over the last two years, our attachment over the last seven months has spelled so much difference - pain, ambivalence and lots of tears.

If someone will try to rewind my life...they'd know that I'd been in a similar situation two years ago.
That makes it all the more difficult for me to believe that this second situation will be a lot different in terms of ending.

But then if you try to analyze more, the comings and goings in our lifetime would probably exceed the heartaches that we have been blogging so much about - including me.

At work, there had been 6 or 7 new team members who came to join our team over the last 12 months. In an adjacent team, there were atleast 5 people who left the project to work abroad or on another company.

At home, a new baby was born over the last 8 months. And another one will be born in the next 7 months.

Within my circle of friends, one will be leaving for the Netherlands to get married, then another one will be working in China for the next two years.

This only means that the earth continues to move...that life continues to move on..and that there are little time to waste on being sad about these movements...because as long as the earth moves...there's a probability that human intersections will happen.

Do they have to bring in dollar reserves just to be recognized?

I was not a Bob Ong fan. Even during his rise as a phenomenal writer, i shrug off and ask who he is.
Today, I finished reading his book, ABNKKBSNPLAKo? and it was a wonderful experience.

The book capitalizes on his memories as a student until the day he went to college and everything went wrong.
But more than that, Bob Ong pays homage to his teachers by saying that teaching isn't a job - it is a vocation, and he touched social issues of the national budget
and the continuing decline of national interest to deliver free education to everyone.

I have to agree with him on this.
The government would spent billions of pesos to so many things within its fiscal year, even millions of pesos for the presiden't entourage on his foreign visits,
but there were never concrete plans on how to make education affordable to those people who need them the most - the poor.

Bob Ong may have been trivial and witty on his book passages, but it is never trivial to hear stories of underpaid teachers braving the daily grind of their hard-stricken life just to teach the kids.

And yeah, we always say that OFWs are the heroes because they leave their families just to be able to give them good future and deliver dollars to the country.

But what about the teachers? Is the government too busy to recognize them and all their efforts for this land? Do they have to bring in dollar reserves to this country to be given importance?

What is love?

Only recently, I came across someone who confessed that he doesn't really know how to love.
I was a bit stunned upon hearing that.
To pinoys, love comes like a second skin. We are exposed to puppy love at an early age of six or seven. We get into serious relationships even at age 15.
Sometimes, we raise families at an early age of 21 all because of love.
We dream big and we lose it all to love.

But maybe he was right.
We would often hear Iloveyous and yet when you asked them to elaborate it, they wouldn't be able to really distinguish what they love about the person that it sometimes mixes up to attraction or desire and not really love.

Then it hit me.
Love cannot be defined always. At times, you need to share it to an individual to explain it.
It is part listening, and then part understanding without judging.
Hear the stories they have to tell. Understand what they're trying to tell you and then right before you open your mouth to judge, zip it.

You may also do ala Mother Theresa. Give and give and give...without expecting to get anything of it. That maybe tiring, especially in this materialistic world. But look at where Mother Theresa is.

In the end, love will always prove to be the actions amidst all those flowery words you say. Or the gestures you show when it is all unguarded as against to those that you do when you hope to score. Or maybe that genuine concern you have for the person even if he will not be able to reciprocate it to you.

Don't take my word for the definition of love. Find it out for yourself dear. Who knows, you will be able to define it in better words.

Or maybe you can just start sharing it.

New beginning.

As a child, I always looked forward to Easter sundays because I would see a show at the end of the Salubong.

An angel coming from a building glides down to meet the image of Mary in her black dress. As the angel glides down, everyone would take pictures of it. Everyone waits for the angel to reach Mary's black dress because it needs to remove the black dress to signal the end of Mary's lament over Jesus' death as proclamation that Jesus has indeed risen.

After the pulling off of the black dress, doves will be flying around the image of Mary and one of them needs to pull off the black veil. And after the dove has clinched that black veil, Mary's image will see Jesus' risen image and all the balloons will fly in the air.

As a child, this whole event was magical, and it really fills my heart with joy.

As an adult however, I got exposed to the different facts of life that sometimes it makes it hard for me to feel joy over the painful emotion. Being more exposed to life, it also showed me that sometimes, you will encounter people who suffer from so many pains being brought about by their parents as well.

I'm not yet a parent, so I cannot speak for them yet. But I have always been a son to my parents, and yes, it is never a perfect road for all of us.

And this Holy week, I fell witness again to atleast two fathers who have brought pain to their kids, emotionally. As their friend, I told them to try to be patient and continue loving their dads. At the back of my mind, I'm thinking, how on earth will I be able to convince them to continue loving their dads, if their dads are hurting them inside and out.

I'm sure these dads have reason why they are doing these to their kids...there must be a good reason for all of these, otherwise, we can all just be parents and have the justification to hurt our kids as long as we want them to.

I know I'm never gonna be in a position good enough to approximate how fathers are made of, but I sure know that Jesus never got this much pain from His Father who has given birth to Him and who sent Him to deliver us.

I know that God may have been tough on Jesus for wanting Him to do something that He may have yet to understand, but in the end Jesus did understand what was the task all about and the purpose of the sufferings and sacrifices was revealed...for man's salvation.

I hope that these fathers will soon reveal their good intentions to their sons so that these sons will stop hurting and that all the sacrifices and emotional sufferings they have endured for more than a decade will somehow be understood.

And as they say, Easters are new beginnings, I pray that these strained relationships of Fathers and Sons will have a new beginning, not only for their sons, but also for their fathers who may have been so blinded to see how much hurt they are causing their loved ones.

Para kay Roniel at Irving.

This item was posted on pic-link December 1, 2003.
It was one of their hardest times.
Fast-forward to 2010...my friends had finally separated after seven long years of being together.

Another friend commented on the breakup..."it was sad...makes one think that nothing would last forever."

Below is my post for them in Filipino.

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Para kay Roniel at Irving.

Karamihan na nating naririnig na ang pagmamahal magkaminsan ay naglalaho o nagbabago. Hindi daw natin mapipigil ang pagbabago dahil ito lamang daw ang permanente sa mundo.


Napakadaling sabihin na kapag natapos na ang isa, dapat ay tumuloy pa rin ang lahat. Mahirap talagang gawin ang mabuhay nang wala na sa tabi mo ang taong kasama mo araw-araw, magmula sa pagdilat ng iyong dalawang mata kahit may panis na laway ka pa...hanggang sa pag pikit ng mga ito kapag sobrang pagod ka na.


Pero ang katotohan ay katotohanan. Hindi natin pwedeng gawing puti ang itim. Gaano man natin ipilit. Gaano man kasakit ang tanggapin.


Sa isang taon at pitong buwan na magkasama ang mga kaibigan ko, nakita ko na totoong nagmamahalan sila. Walang put-on. Walang pretension. Hindi man kasing sweet ng karamihan sa nakita ko. Hindi pa rin ipagkakaila na totoo sila sa isa't isa. Pero silang dalawa man ay kasama sa takbo ng buhay.


At dahil mayroon silang simula, natural lamang na mayroon din wakas. Ilang linggo na silang hiwalay. Pinipilit makabangon ulit sa kabila ng mga pait at lumbay, pinipilit maging normal nang magkahiwalay.


Masakit isiping natapos na ang lahat. Pero ganun daw talaga. Patuloy pa rin sa pag ikot ang lahat.


Para kay Roniel, ibayong tatag dahil alam kong makirot pa rin ang lahat dahil buong buo ang sarili mo nang ibigay mo sa kanya. Para kay Irving, alam ko'ng masakit din sa iyo ang lahat, pero kaibigan mo pa rin kami at kahit anuman ang nangyari, mananatiling ganun ang lahat.


Para sa inyong dalawa, alam kong malalampasan ninyo ang lahat ng sakit na ito. Lahat tayo ay dumaraan sa ganitong sitwasyon. May nauuna at mahuhuli. Pinaka importante ang leksyon na natutunan mo. Masarap ang magmahal pero masakit din ito kung minsan. Pero sa tuwina ay dapat na isipin na ito pa rin ang pinakamasarap sa lahat ng bagay sa mundong ito.

Inspired.

I still remember telling you last week that you are a gem. A precious gem indeed.

Hard to be so certain why, but for one freaky instance, I felt terribly comfortable with you, telling you the things only my closest friends would know. Sharing you these bits and pieces of what I know from all of the pebbles of life I have managed to pick.

There's one thing I know. You are the breeze that refreshes.

From this ever polluted mind and the confused soul, your smile and gestures has reminded me that not all beautiful have become wicked through time. That personality would always matter. That friendship should always weigh more than the one-night deals or more than the physical attraction.

But really, it is the your humility that is above the rest. The kind that reminded me to try and be humble also because I do not know everything yet. The kind that has also made me realize that even from kids I can still learn something. That humility that draws you always to your faith to the One that has breathed life to all of us. To that one that has provided for you and never left you.

It would still take some more weeks, some more months to probably understand why are you or what are you, yet I feel so blessed now that you have chosen me one of those few whom you wanted to share your life with. If that isn't a blessing...I don't know what it is, but perhaps God thought that it is time for me to meet an angel or maybe He is teaching me how to appreciate a real gem.

Whatever luck it is that I have met you, would only matter less, because what matters right now is that I am indeed inspired. Again.

Moving on. Moving along.

Some two years ago, I have decided to take the risk and build a relationship with you.

At first, I didn't think we would click. There isn't something we had in common. But then again, my heart would always win over my mind.

And so the journey began. Unforgettable moments. Indescribable feelings. Magic carpet rides.

Then roller coaster rides. Arguments. Some disagreements. Then the distance.

I had been given the chance to tell you that I have already settled for you. That I have started dreaming of forever with you. That no matter all the imperfections or the trials, I would always always stay with you.

But when everyone isn't looking, it happened.

I thought that I can make it. That we can make it work. I guess we cannot. Not with this distance anyway.

Not when we have started to grow really apart.

Two years. Countless memories. Circles of friends. Several waking up in the morning beside you. The happiness and the pains.

All of them do not matter now. Its official. We cease to exist as a couple.

How do I move on? I'm not entirely sure how.

I have kept your clothes in the closet and started not to use them.

I renamed you in my phonebook as X.

Stopped eating halo halo. Stopped going to MOA. I have almost stopped everything just to move on from this terrible pain. But I cannot stop my life.

And so, with all of these pain and suffering from all the memories our togetherness has left me, I am moving along with this life, with our friends, with your clothes still in my closet, with your stuffed toys still in my room.

I am moving along with the busy world and drowned in it as it helps me forget about the painful stuff and hope that one day, I will smile again of the happy memories and feel nothing of the sadness that this breakup has shun upon me.